Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
