that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
