We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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