Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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