Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
