He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
