Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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