After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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