Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
