Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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