thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
