Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
