never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
