We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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