Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I need to align my fucking chakras
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
