When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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