i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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