i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
