I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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