so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize