The maid of honor just puked.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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