WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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