I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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