Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
