i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
