can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
