Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
