I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
