i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
