New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
