Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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