i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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