If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize