I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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