My liver just broke up with me...
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
