I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
