I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
