So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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