good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
