If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
