He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
