Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
