She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
