You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize