Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
