I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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