Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
