Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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