in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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