mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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