There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
