this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
