She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize