How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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