Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize