Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
