At least make sure they are 18
Why
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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