He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
