so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
