evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
