I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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