You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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