Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
