Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
