dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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