my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
