I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
