she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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