if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
